There comes a time in every single person's life when you just get tired of canned spaghetti sauce. Let's face it. Pasta is cheap, quick, and almost impossible to screw up. But after eating it every night for four or five nights in a row, you start thinking about what other types of delicious mushy stuff you can pour over your angel hair capellini besides Ragu. (Just kidding. I can't afford Ragu.) Well, I have discovered the answer. Turns out a ripe avocado is just another easy-open container of pasta sauce. Sounds weird, I know, but you should try it. Add a little salt. And voila! Green spaghetti. If you have a jar of pesto lying around, throw some of that in there too if you really want your socks knocked off. I have a theory that avocado can pretty much make any situation better.
Some drunken dumbass somewhere above me is yelling out their window and throwing things down the fire escape. Sometimes I really want to tell people what I think of them around this apartment building. To the girl who is always sitting on the steps in front of my entrance I want to say, "Wow, your life must really suck. Why don't you go get a job instead of glaring at me everytime I come home because you have to move your stupid ass out from in front of the door?" To the drug dealers who lurk around the front gate I want to say, "Wow, your lives must really suck, standing around outside in the cold all night. And stop calling everybody "my nigga." You're frikkin' latino! You're not even black!" And to the building's super, who is practically useless, I would say, "Just because you speak louder doesn't mean I can understand you any better! And complaining about the hardware store for 20 minutes because you bought the wrong part isn't gonna fix my shower any faster!" I think what all these people need in their lives is more avocado.
I love my neighborhood.
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